We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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