There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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