I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
