i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
