I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All the doctor said was why
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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