You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
