I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
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