You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
