This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
