I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
