somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't put those talents on a resume
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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