Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
