peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
