I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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