what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
