Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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