Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
