it was like eating out sand paper
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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