Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
