On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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