You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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