He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
