we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
