Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
