One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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