everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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