Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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