i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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