Are we in a gay sports bar?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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