Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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