Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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