I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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