we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
