I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
