i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Small penises have feelings too.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
