Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
