He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
