So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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