I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
