dude i'm inner monologue high
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just gift wrapped bread.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
