so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
