a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
