Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
