I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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