i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
