So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
