Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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