You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
