You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
