I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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