...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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