suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
All I want is dick and wine.
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