Screwed.edu
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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