I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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